I recall years ago, a coach asking me outright if I was happy. I found the question abrupt, confusing, and invasive. I carried a supersonic body scan to feel if I was happy. The truth is, on a superficial level, I was happy but if I had been asked to think deeper, I may have given a different response. This one conversation led me to exploring what happiness meant to me.

Happiness is an elevated emotional state usually characterised by joy, satisfaction and contentment.

Some people, in the pursuit of happiness attain goals or seek new experiences to feel happy. Happiness is felt when negative emotions are less intense or not present at all. Feeling happiness is subjective, we each define what it means and what conditions needs to be met to realise it’s presence.

For me personally and as a coach, happiness is derived from my capacity to be kind to myself and those around me. If I have been intentionally kind, I know I have emitted positivity and joy, this makes me grow self-respect and in turn makes me deeply happy. It’s not totally about being altruistic. When I’m intentionally kind to myself and others it means I am being present. A personal goal of mine, and always, experience has taught me kindness boomerangs its way back to me.

I’m happiest when my level of enthusiasm synchronises with my energy level.

An example comes to mind from today. I woke up feeling high energy and I felt enthusiastic about working out. There is not friction or resistance. I’m in a state of flow. This form of happiness is an inside job and created only by specific doses of self-nurturing and self-care over a consistent period of time.

Life Coaches can be some of the most supportive and caring people in the world.

I have personally benefited so I speak from experience. However, I have been in networking groups with coaches where there is a haze of insecurity-based co-sharing. Rarely are they listening to you, rather scanning the room for the next conversation where they will gleam more information to compare with their own practice. Comparing where they are or what they do with those around them. We all know, comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison with yourself is the most wholesome form of comparison. Aim to be a little better than you previously were.

Some people that become coaches, do so, because they were once grappling with an impossible mindset issue which they eventually overcame (with or without the help of a coach/therapist). They passionately want to share their message and step-by-step process with the world. These life coaches are full of enthusiasm and vigour but does that mean they are happy in their own lives? It’s hard to know.

Some coaches derive meaning and purpose from the altruistic nature of helping clients solve their issues or attain the quality of life they aspire. I’m one of those! Navigating complexities, conditioning and trauma, sitting with the client in their dark place is by no means easy. The work is meaningful and often fulfilling. I’m certain, purpose led coaches are generally happy in their work but others may be triggered by their clients stories if they haven’t done the deep work themselves.

Most life coaches are living a real human experience just like you and I, they have struggles and challenges in their own lives.

They may have coaches or therapists supporting them and some continuously work on themselves. A lot of coaches don’t seek out help and support which is what makes things questionable for me. If you don’t invest in what you are advocating and offering as a service, isn’t that hypocritical and self-defeating?

Just like people, coaches define happiness in different ways. For some coaches, attaining all the financial riches or a beautiful body is the definition of happiness. For some it’s optimal health. Some coaches care little of tangible measurable outcomes and focus more on spiritual and inner world expansion. Attaining happiness for coaches is just the same as for everyday people. It comes down to your definition of happiness, what you value and what you believe to be possible for you.

As a transformation coach, my role is to help clients define their own happiness.

We explore why they aspire to have THE finances, THE job, THE body or whatever it may be. I never deter my clients from their wants, I trust this want is something they believe will bring happiness and satisfaction. I guide them to objectively identify whether they are driven or being dragged by insecurities and ego (inner child). Together, we explore their biography and core beliefs. Their self-awareness grows and with it, their priorities shift. We put a spotlight on how harshly their inner critic speaks to them and collaborate on ways they can manage or mute that critical voice. Through this journey, by their own definition, happiness becomes accessible.

Personally, I have come to find happiness is a little overrated, fleeting and hard to attain since it’s usually dependant on situations, hormones, mindset, opportunities or other factors sometimes outside of our control. These days, I prefer to check if I’m feeling content. Contentment means inner peace, a lovely inner flow where there is no friction or struggle. A consistent level of joy whilst attending to all the things a person like me needs to take care of. A calm presence.

Next time you’re thinking of hiring a coach, ask them! Ask if they are happy and ask them why or why not. Their answer could reveal a great deal about their character and coaching capability.

Hi! I’m Roksana, a life coach for women in St Albans, Hertfordshire. I run face to face and online sessions via Zoom. I’m always happy to answer your questions around any of my methods or approaches. Long term changes begin with a guide who has walked a similar path, has a blueprint, will give you support and accountability every step of the way. If you’re interested to know more then please book a FREE call with me.