Overcome Your Fear So You Can Live Joyously

Hi! I’m Roksana

As a child I had so many fears, it’s a surprise I didn’t have a nervous breakdown! I was afraid of the dark, crows, spicy food, long car journeys, strangers and I was most definitely afraid of pescy dogs! I was under the age of 16, carrying a great big burden of fears with me everywhere I went.

It was exhausting! Always on the lookout, feeling my heart racing, palms sweating and praying I could be anywhere but about to face the fear before me!

My fear of the dark was born at the tender age of seven. I was totally fine to sleep in the pitch black before this.

One night I was awoken with loud noises of Fire Engines and Police Car Sirens. I jumped out of the bed went over to window and saw the elderly couple across the road being rescued from their burning house. Eyes glazed as I looked across from my bedroom window. Panicked neighbours stood around watching in their dressing gowns.

Some time passed by when my well-intentioned dad burst into my pitch black bedroom, shouting and yelling to close the window and come away. His shouting caused a sharp sensation to arise within me, my heartbeat quickened and I struggled to breath. He seemed out of control and that frightened the life out of me.

As the situation outside gradually calmed down, I went back to bed and eventually fell asleep. After a few short hours, I was awoken with the same acute sensation I had experienced when my dad shouted at me to come away from the window. Only this time NOTHING had happened to cause the sensation or feelings. My heart raced, I couldn’t breath and I was in the dark with my fear filled thoughts, alone. A fear of the dark was born. My mind interpreted darkness as a time where things happened outside of my control and there would be no one there to protect or console me.

I felt scared and alone.

After this day, every time I was in a dark room I freaked out. I was uncomfortable to say the least. I found interesting ways to accommodate the fear by making sure I always had a lamp switched on in every room I entered. Eventually, the fear grew, I was afraid of the dark everywhere. I kept a torch in my bedside draw and avoided going out in the dark. This fear stayed with me until I reached the grand age of 26! Those anxiety filled years were horrid.

What I know now.

The feeling of fear exists to protect us from danger. This is essential for our survival. Our subconscious mind doesn’t know if the threat is real or imagined but it creates a (internal) warning system so we can Fight, Flight or Freeze from danger. Our subconscious mind is primitive, its sole purpose is for our survival. This response or warning system is built in just like our breathing. We can’t change it but we can learn to react to it healthily and mindfully.

If you’ve ever had a nightmare, you will know the body has the same physical reaction to perceived and real danger. You will likely wake up out of breath, panicking, heart racing and disorientated. It takes a few seconds for you to come to the awareness that it is not real. After that your body gradually calms down and returns to its normal rhythms. The mind doesn’t know if a fear is real or perceived.

The physical and emotional reaction puts a huge strain on your body and knocks your confidence.

To grow confidence (trust in yourself) it is important to look at all the things that are causing a block for you. Fear can be a huge block, living in the subconscious mind. We ignore, avoid or accommodate our fears to the point they become part of our identity. Don’t wait two decades before you do something about it! There are coaches out there ready to serve and empower you. Reach out to liberate yourself.

I’m a life coach for women in St Albans, Hertfordshire. I run face to face and online sessions via Zoom. I’m always happy to answer your questions around any of my methods or approaches. Long term changes begin with a guide who has walked a similar path, has a blueprint, will give you support and accountability every step of the way. If you’re interested to know more then please book a FREE call with me.

I hope this article was useful to you. We all pick up fears throughout our lives but what’s important is getting help so it doesn’t consume your whole life. If you’re ready to overcome your fear and would like to be coached then please do book a FREE call.

Let’s dismantle your fear!

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