Shall we dive in?

Healing the symptoms of a traumatic experience can, in some instances, be lifelong work. Trauma will have placed a unique stamp on your mind and body. So much depends on the trauma (single trauma or complex trauma), your personality, your readiness and receptiveness to heal, and your ability to implement daily or regular mindset tools to maintain self-regulation.

As trauma expert Gabor Maté wisely said, “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

What I believe Gabor is saying is, it’s not necessarily the severity of the (traumatic) event, but how the mind made sense of it at the time. We, humans are meaning making machines! This ‘sense-making’ process—or lack thereof—creates a personal set of symptoms. Some are loud and unmistakable, others quiet and situational. Over time, the survival mind builds workarounds, developing behaviours to avoid re-experiencing the same intensity of emotion from the past.

Traumatic memories don’t fade on their own. Often, a sensory trigger such as smell, sound, place can bring them back to life with startling clarity. As Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, notes: “Trauma is not the story of something that happened back then. It’s the current imprint of that pain, horror, and fear living inside people.”

So, does the healing journey ever stop? Not quite. But it evolves in a number of ways.

Understanding Triggers and How to Manage Them

Triggers aren’t random, they are echoes of unprocessed emotions or pain. When activated, they temporarily hijack the nervous system. Learning to understand and map your personal triggers is key. Once you recognise the trigger, you can apply tools like breath work, Tapping (EFT), or visualisation of a ‘safe place’ to reclaim inner calm.

Learning to Stabilise the Nervous System

When trauma symptoms flare, stabilising the nervous system becomes your first priority. Daily practices like grounding exercises, breathwork, and somatic awareness can “turn down the volume” of intense reactions. Tools such as EMDR and Hypnotherapy allow deeper rewiring of the brain’s responses.

Healing Invisible Wounds Like Emotional Neglect

Some wounds don’t look like trauma but they are. Childhood emotional neglect, for example, can shape a person’s core beliefs (“I don’t matter,” “My needs are too much”) without obvious ‘events’. This kind of trauma needs just as much care, curiosity, and unlearning. Many clients, when asked, what the worst part of the event was, recall the aloneness or loneliness they experienced during or after the event. Giving voice to and honouring the fullness of the experience brings great comfort and the beginning of release.

Knowing the Difference Between Trauma and Stress

Many confuse trauma with high stress. But stress ends when the situation ends. Trauma lingers, shaping our reactions and beliefs. If you find your reactions are disproportionate or recurring in patterned ways, it’s likely trauma, not just stress, is driving the response. You’ll only truly make this distinction once you have stress under control or stabilised.

Rebuilding Identity Beyond Survival

One of the most profound steps in healing is rebuilding your identity outside of coping mechanisms. Who are you when you’re not in survival mode? This is the invitation of trauma recovery: to discover the ‘you’ who isn’t defined by pain, fear, or perfectionism. This is a beautiful opportunity to sow new seeds for the identities you want to create or harness.

Client Story

A client kept re-enacting the dynamics of her relationships with her parents, in her present day life. She carried an abandonment wound since her infancy which affected her attachments. In romantic relationships, she would become fully certain and committed before the partner had time to figure out the extent of his feelings. Rushing to quickly establish romantic relationships became her ninja-skill, almost entrapping the guy. She would create a dynamic that meant she was the ‘needy’ or ‘dependant’ person, she yearned to be seen and understood despite being able to articulate her needs. She straddled two positions with her partner, over whelming him with so much emotional baggage (trauma dumping) to then being quite for days, leaving him confused and debilitated. Ultimately, she craved unconditional love and to be taken care off in ways that not even she would be able to recognise as meeting her emotional needs. It was hard for her partner to interpret her needs and he would inevitably miss the mark every time. This further fed her notion of ‘I am abandoned’. This wound would deepen until she felt suffocated. He would break up with her and she would keep trying or fighting to figure out a way to ‘fix’ the relationship which was all about him modifying his behaviours. She couldn’t see the role she was playing in the dynamic. 

After four failed romantic relationships, she realised that she needed professional support. Within a few sessions, she began to notice the ways she was self-sabotaging and within a few more sessions, she felt capable of self-editing her thoughts and stopping old behaviour patterns in real time. She committed to working on meeting her own needs in the very specific and nuanced way, that only she could. By the end of our time together, she had rituals to maintain and regulate her emotions. She became devoted to the person she wanted to be, for herself, before entertaining the idea of a romantic relationship. 

You Don’t Always Have to Talk It Out

Not everyone wants or needs to verbalise their trauma. Modalities like EMDR, EFT, or Hypnotherapy access the subconscious to process and release the trauma without requiring you to relive or re-speak the event. This offers safe ways to process what the conscious mind might not yet have words for.

Understanding the Body’s Role in Trauma

The body stores trauma. Tight shoulders, gut issues, chronic pain are often symptoms of stored emotional energy. Somatic therapies help restore connection to the body, allowing unprocessed energy to finally move and release.

You Can’t Outgrow Trauma Responses. You Must Heal Them

Time doesn’t heal trauma, conscious work does. You can’t outgrow patterns that haven’t been unlearned. Without intervention, trauma responses continue to replay in relationships, work, and self-perception.

Final Thoughts

Trauma healing is not a one-size-fits-all journey. It is a layered, evolving process. With the right tools, support, and commitment, you can experience transformation, moving from survival to thriving.

“When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.”  Brené Brown

Hi! I’m Roksana. I’m a life coach for women in St Albans, Hertfordshire. I run face to face and online sessions via Zoom. I also specialise in trauma healing. I’m always happy to answer your questions around any of my methods or approaches. Long term changes begin with a guide who has walked a similar path, has a blueprint, will give you support and accountability every step of the way. If you’re interested to know more then please book a FREE call with me.